August 16th

August 16th

I am Tahasi Massk

As we laid in bed this morning, we talked about our children. The great joys of life come through seeing them grow. Seeing them choose, for better or worse, and then learning from those choices. And while it is wonderful to watch them make decisions that bring them happiness, sorrow is the best teacher for the lessons we often need to learn. Even though growing older brings challenges, I feel so blessed to do it beside her.

August 15th

August 15th

I am Tahasi Massk

It has now been more than two months since I started this process of thinking and writing. In thinking about the lessons and legacy of this time, I’m massively pleased. Recalling our virtually effortless months, each new thought of the day seemed to flow. Our connection seemed to just grow of its own accord. There is still much to be learned and much to be done. But I feel like I understand one of the great secrets of a happy life. Appreciation. Feeling it, and expressing it.

August 14th

August 14th

I am Tahasi Massk

Years ago, I discovered a huge rosebush in our backyard. It had been overgrown by some other plants, so that no one knew it was there. I cut out the surrounding shrubs, and weeds, and found that the rosebush had thick stems, and good roots. Suddenly, there was an explosion of colorful blooms in our yard. I feel like the same thing has happened in our life lately. We have discovered a long-hidden source of connection, and beauty. And by cutting out the things that were choking that out, we have found beautiful blooms growing like old roses in our unpruned souls.

August 13th

August 13th

I am Tahasi Massk

I am so grateful for the hope that she gives me, regardless of the situation. Even in gruelingly hard times, hope offers us real solace. It helps us look forward to what can be, without ignoring what has been. The promise of being with her is the fundamental source of my hope. As long as I have that hope, I can be happy.

August 12th

August 12th

I am Tahasi Massk

I can feel the number of hours since I have seen her. Like sand slowly piling on my heart. But I also know the number of hours until I will see her again. A castle of hope slowly taking shape. I see her in my mind. I picture her going running and thinking. I think up delightful entertainments, and necessary distance disappears. Each sweet imagined recreation enhanced by the bone deep longing I feel. 31 hours and counting.

August 11th

August 11th

I am Tahasi Massk

Looking over valleys etched with indigo lace. Deep ember rocks towering high above nearby taupe hills. I savor landscapes and nature drawn with a palette and skill no hand could match. And when I am surrounded by such breathtaking beauty, I long for hers even more.

August 11th

August 10th

I am Tahasi Massk

What we experience isn’t just a reflection of truth. Instead, perception enhances reality, for everyone chooses their good. I forget that at times, and I fail to see through the lenses that color my world. Thankfully, she is always there. Her love, her strength, her beauty—undeniable truths—have cleared my vision time and again.

August 9th

August 9th

I am Tahasi Massk

Can anyone possibly imagine this overwhelming love? Regenerative energy emerges from feeling in a way that must be experienced to be believed. It amazes me that it can recreate itself each day. And it amazes me because it renews me each day. Apparently, adoration overcomes emotional entropy.

August 8th

August 8th

I am Tahasi Massk

Occasionally, I realize just how lucky we are. How blessed. Not because our life has been devoid of problems, but because we have had the chance to figure out real, true unity. Nurturing a truly empathetic oneness is our lucky charm. It takes time. It takes listening. It takes a determination to avoid defensiveness. It takes work. Wonderfully worthwhile work.

August 7th

August 7th

I am Tahasi Massk

Tonight we looked through the books from when our children we small. I marveled at the way that in spite of all that she was doing at the time, she created remembrance art. Photo books of our kids, but they are so much more than just that. She saved our stories. She preserved their words. And tonight we huddled together on the couch turning pages. Piled up on each other so we each could see. And we laughed together, and we grew in love. It was not the first time, and it will not be the last.