June 29th

June 29th

I am Tahasi Massk.

She has a love of books. They fill shelves. They fill bins. They lie in stacks beside the couch and the bed. She shares this love with everyone she meets. Because of our kids, she became an expert on instilling a love of reading. It is her gift, and she gives it freely. Hoping it will reach everyone. A delicious story is her favorite meal, and she devours them. Her reading feeds our conversation. Every day she tells me what her paper friends have taught her. Love infuses her words. Both for the books and for me. Listening to her is joy.

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June 28th

June 28th 

I am Tahasi Massk

The change is stunning. I would not believe it if I had not lived it. It was just two weeks ago that I began this process. It is a new world. Each day I wake to a new joy. A new realization of her awesome sprouting in my soul. And as I write it, it grows. And throughout the days, tiny buds of connection appear. Little things like saying ‘Please’ and ‘Thanks.’ Taking easy rides nightly. Speaking our feelings. Joining our yearnings. These tiny but fruitful changes nourish me. Plus, all these things enable regrowth. Stimulating new, open flow. Linking our very essences together. Planting the seeds for tomorrows realization.

June 27th

June 27th

I am Tahasi Massk.

People talk about the straight and narrow, but in reality, a person’s path rarely ends completely in alignment. The in-out nature of living means we wind between trees. Up hills, across streams, through sun-soaked meadows, and through shade and shadow. Are there words that capture my thanks that she walks beside me? Through all of it. Even when I sometimes I get distracted by the bright shiny things, or lost in the branches of the trees. But she is there, waiting for me to come back around. And we walk together. We hold hands, and pick our way through the occasional bramble. We hold hands and pick up the occasional trash. So that there will be even more beauty for those who may follow.

June 26th

June 26th

I am Tahasi Massk.

I live for the times when I feel so close to her that it seems our thoughts melt together. The times where she knows my thoughts before I speak them, and I sense her unspoken emotions. At those times it feels like there is a physical conduit between us. And it feels so real I begin to wonder ‘Can others not notice?’ Each conversation twining us together more tightly. Until it feels strange that we live in different bodies. And even stranger that we can be miles apart. And being apart seems to only have the effect of stretching an elastic band—it pulls us more powerfully together. And when the pull snaps us together again, the collision merges us even more.

June 25th

June 25th

I am Tahasi Massk

To wake up next to her is sunrise. The essence of day, that enlivens me. To be back in her arms, and have her in mine is melts away the chill of night, and separation. Soaring mountains, rushing water, and delicate flowers all draw me to them. But not the way she does. Even when I am surrounded by them a part of me still longs for her, and even in the peace of wild places, I feel a restlessness. But when I hold her again, I feel my longing and restlessness evaporate. Ultimately, nothing in this earth draws my soul toward it as completely as her. Her smile, her laugh, her kiss. Like sunshine, after days of rain, it stills my soul.

June 24th

June 24th

I am Tahasi Massk

It should not surprise me how openness makes everything clearer. Or maybe I notice growth of clarity when openness expands what I see. Each time I take down barriers between us, I become closer to her. Barriers of pride, not wanting her to see my moments of weakness or fear. Barriers of selfishness, not seeing past my petty wants. Barriers of distraction, not attending to the brightest joy in my life. Barriers of self-protection, not sharing the breadth of my love or the depth of my need for her. I must be open and see the barriers so I can remove them. They only keep me from her. From home. It is, and will always be, what, and where, she is.

June 23rd

June 23rd 

I am Tahasi Massk.

A complete happiness engulfs me when we are completely together. In the joyous stillness of union, all the world seems right. But when my body is away from your body, it is incomplete—my body, and the happiness. It creates a certain kind of pain. My body reaching out for something beyond reach. But there is still heart happiness. Because my heart remains together with your heart. Hearts can reach across miles, across mountains, across oceans, and even across eternity. Cords of love stretching so tight, that I feel it pull in my chest. And through the tautness I know she is there. Cords pulse with life-sustaining love flowing both ways between us.

June 22nd

June 22nd 

I am Tahasi Massk

Camping really awakens visceral emotions in me. To be surrounded by natural beauty opens my heart. I feel more easily, and more deeply. Feeling my smallness in the world, but with wonder of all that surrounds me changes me. Today, I am too many miles away from her. But I still feel her. She is a constant presence. In my morning practice, it dawned on me that she breathing through some of the same postures at that moment. I focused my thoughts on her, and felt my chest swell. Something seemed to bubble up. She is a well of joy for me. Even hundreds of miles away.

June 21st

June 21st 

I am Tahasi Massk

This morning I watched her sleeping. Her head was tilted away from me, exposing the soft curve of her neck. The part that sends shivers through both of us when I kiss it. I could see her pulse, and count her heartbeats. The strength of her heart is a miracle in her life. It sustains me. People underestimate love sometimes. Even those who claim to have loved describe it as a feeling. But it is so much more. It is a living thing. It is THE living thing. The very stuff of life. It creates life. It gives power. And beauty. Hope. It is the lifeblood of existence.

June 20th

June 20th

I am Tahasi Massk

Flowers do not grow naturally around our home. Rain is scarce in the summer months. That does not stop her. The ground is rocky. That does not stop her. There are many weeds. That does not stop her. Sifting through rows of new growth, she plucks the weeds so the flowers can thrive. Even when the weeds grow back, she does not give up. She kneels, and plucks them out again. It is her way of making the world more beautiful. She does not simply stand back and admire the flowers. Good enough is not her way. She finds the weeds, she kneels, and makes it so the flowers can thrive. And not just in the garden. I often mistake this gift for weakness. I think, ‘Why do you see so many weeds?’ Because, when the weeds are in me, it is hard for me to see clearly. But I thrive because of her strength. I grow because of her gift.